Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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