I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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