I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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