God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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