dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
