i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
