She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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