i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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