I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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