You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
