Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
