You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
