Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
