We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
