Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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