When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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