why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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