my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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