it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
