I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
