I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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