Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
