I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
