I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
