your thong is hanging out like whoa
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
