Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
