Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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