I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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