if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
