you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
