Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
