I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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