Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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