Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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