we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
