dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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