she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
drinking out of a sandbucket again
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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