do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Ladies don't puke and tell
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
