i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize