anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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