the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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