In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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