If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
