i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
