Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
