the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
