my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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