I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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