Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
