I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize