You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
