I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
