You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
