no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
