I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
