Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
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I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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