oh god the rape fog is back!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
