hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Buhtt sex?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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