If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
