Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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