she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
