she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
