guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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