sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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