Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
