I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
