come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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