I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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