just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
