i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
