i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize