She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
