if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize