oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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