Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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