Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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