She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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