"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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