An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
