i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
