Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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