His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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