I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
